Old Man Wisdom

I just turned twenty-six, which means I've officially entered my late twenties. It's time to give up on my dreams. Clinging to a bunch of goals I have no intention of working toward would just drag me down, and I need to free up as much time as possible to dedicate to what will be a defining characteristic of my late-twenties life: telling people I'm a sniper.

It's a lie, but it'll ward off any further questions from people making casual conversation about my profession. I'm obviously not fit enough to be a military or law enforcement sniper, so inquiring as to how and why I snipe things in my free time could prove dangerous. The subject would quickly change, as though it were clipped in a biologically vital area by a long range weapon, if you know what I mean. Wink.

The focus of chit chat would be free to shift to something I'd feel less overwhelming shame about. Current events, pop culture, local eateries and where I got my flak jacket. I could move about social events with ease, safe in the knowledge that I wouldn't have to tell people I work in a retirement home sandwich shop until I reach satisfaction with a hazily defined creative endeavor. Truly, being free of the burden of ambition and laziness is the greatest gift of all.